UNVALUED

Is it real ? That when a new year starts , a new beginning awaits us ? well , not for me ! This so-called NEW YEAR passed by seeming like an ordinary day to me . I didn’t really expect much . I’ve known myself in a way that i’m not used to trying new things out — afraid of disliking whatever outcome it ends up to . I knew that i really don’t like starting from the beginning especially when i know how hard it is to be where i am now , well , not that i’m on pedestal or something , but at least , i’ve gone far from the start . What more do you expect from me ? I’ve always set my mind thinking of things-are-not-so-easy-for-me-because-i-am-a-loser-who-has-always-been-afraid-to-be-rejected-by-inconsiderate-people- principle . It’s really hard to live up this life ! It’s difficult to start when you know that you are near your goal already . Yeah , so true . But i’m not going to claim that i am actually near my goal because for sixteen years that i have been existing in this world , i haven’t set myself to achieving my very prioritized goal . I have so many things in mind . I don’t know how to prioritize because things seem to be equally lingering on my mind — that’s contrary to my thinking of everything seems to be unfair . . Well , the thing that i want to clear is that , we don’t have to change ourselves when a NEW year comes , we can always change anytime we want ! When we’re ready . . ready to be accepted , or ready to be rejected . . But as for me , i’ll stay the way i am . This unpredictable and moody character in me won’t vanish unless i start to take things the way they are meant to be taken — in my own way .